Wednesday, December 17, 2014


Maybe it is on purpose, but probably just out of ingnorance.  No matter the reasoning.  I was inconvenienced.  I was annoyed.  Doesn't she know what my Google calendar looks like?  Doesn't she have a clue as to what it takes for our large family to keep a schedule?  Why throw last minute changes into the mix of ins and outs?  
Putting on my makeup this morning, contemplating my long day, I felt that little prick in my heart.  What about Mary and her uncomfortable journey to Bethlehem?  She had to have thought that this census could not have come at a more inconvenient time.  Yet, this was the plan.  I wonder if she pleaded for a bed to sleep in?  I am certain that sleeping next to sheep was more than inconvenient.  Yet, this was the plan.  Now she had this precious newborn to travel with, nursing along the way.  Inconvenient?  I think, yes.  
My selfish heart does not like inconvenience.  Last night I was angry simply because today's new schedule was not mine but rather dictated by someone else.  
God has a plan.  Today may be one the last times that my kids may be at an activity with their bio mom.  Today is an opportunity to love on someone else.  Today is not outside of God's plan for my family.  
Inconvenience?  Yes.  Perfect?  Not in my eyes, but in God's.  
Thank you God that in our craziness you work your perfect plan.  Please help me to walk that uncomfortable journey with you.  

Friday, December 5, 2014

Treasure Hunting

My latest attempt to curb the morning mayhem requires hunting for treasure - Bible treasure.
It blows me away every time.  Feet fly.  Arms wave. Words hurl.  Yet, God's Word calms.  Why oh why do I not anchor each day with it.  
Amazingly, I even get to eat my breakfast as I sit with my kids and listen to them share what treasures they have found in the Bible.  More often than not I am running in circles, demanding, cleaning, redirecting - not sitting.  Somehow, refocusing our morning settles.
It is no joke that God's Word states that he has given us everything for life and godliness.  Even food became part of our conversation as I reminded them of the treasure "whether we eat or drink, do all to the glory of God."  
I want my kids to see God's Word as the treasure it is.  Valuable.  Searchable.  Desirable.  Life-changing.  
For fifteen minutes at the breakfast table, God's treasure recalibrated our day.

Because I Said So

I admit it.  I have used those words.  Most times out of frustration.  
Leviticus hit me again with rules, but a phrase leaped off the screen over and over.  "I am the Lord."
So God says it too.  His Word for His people is laden with purpose and based in love.  Yes, his rules are specific and personal.  But listen to his heart.  "I am the LORD."  
The Israelites could obey God, because He is the sovereign one.  Yet, he is still personal.  What could get any better?  His authority carried weight, but it was not crushing.  
No less than sixteen times in Leviticus 19 God reminds His people that He was LORD.  Maybe they were hard of hearing or had short memories, but nonetheless He told them over and over who He was to them.  LORD.  God.  Sovereign One.  

Thursday, December 4, 2014

What is the rule?

Leviticus is just plain difficult to work through.  Noone is a huge fan of rules.  At least, I am not.  Yet, rules are essential.  They make life work.  So. I am reading about rules.  Rules about life, food, relationship, disease, religion.  You get the point.  It is a choice I make to read what God says about his rules for his chosen people as this precious nation developed.  
My kids do not like rules either.  I am not sure too many do.  Still rules make our home work more smoothly.  As I mature as a mom, I continue to work through what rules are helpful for others, which ones are necessary for safety and health, and which ones just make my life easier.  
God could do anything he wanted with the Israelites in the wilderness.  Yet, he set up limits and standards, rules to keep his people healthy, safe, and in communication with Him.
Do I follow that pattern?  Yes, I am Mom and hold authority, but how am I showing love in the rules that I establish?  
I think I will keep reading.

Friday, October 31, 2014

Coat or no coat?

Fall made me smile with its cool weather, indigo skies, and amazing colors.  Today was little different save for the significantly cooler temps.  It was time to pull out the warmer coats and squeeze bundled kids into car seats.  
Now my 11yo thought he would hold on to summer longer and dressed in a t-shirt and shorts, leaving the coat conveniently on the hook.  
So, here is a mommy question for you.  To what extent do I fight with my tween?  Is the coat that big of a deal?  Am I frustrated simply because I don't want others to look at ME like I am crazy for sending my child to school ill prepared for the chilly weather?
Believe me, there are many things to fight for.  I will always fight for my kids, but too often I find myself fighting with my kids.  
What are some ways that you choose your battles?

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Desperate is a Good Word

I feel relieved that my Jesus cares when all I can do is whisper in my heart my plea of "please help".  I am in desperate need of divine intervention every day, every second.  Sadly, I try to pretend that I can handle it.  I am a big girl, right?  
Yesterday my three youngest did not have a good day, and that challenge carried over through breakfast.  I found myself thinking, "What do I do, God?  Now what? How am I supposed to deal with this?"
As we piled into our bus, I was sure that our entire neighborhood could hear the screaming of littles who were neither happy nor agreeable to anything.  God, please help.
He does.  He cares.  
There were no flowery words this morning, just desperate whispers from a mom to the throne of God.  

Friday, October 24, 2014


I hug them.  I kiss them.  I provide a stable, loving home.  
Yet, my littles struggle in their souls with security.
My own heart hurts when I see them question normal changes in their day as forever changes. 
They have trouble sleeping at times because they simply want to be right next to us.  They need that one more hug.  They need to hear "I love you" one more time before they drift off.  
One would think that the extent of time that these little ones have lived in our home would bridge that void, but as their weeks are filled with confusing interruptions out of our control, their hearts cannot anchor on forever yet.  Insecurity takes over.
I will keep praying.  I will keep hugging.  I will continue being mommy. I will keep hoping that soon their little hearts will settle and rest in the security that only God can truly provide.