Security and Significance

Security and significance play an essential role in a woman’s life.  I’m confident that few would disagree.  Whether a woman is single or married, she is affected by these two elements in life’s  circumstances and choices.  Cancer rocked my world and the world of those I love.  To say that my security and significance became a twisted, unrecognizable mess is an understatement. I was a teacher who could not teach.  I was a mom who could not do the “mom” things.  I was a housekeeper who could not do much at all around the house.  I was an involved parent who had to sit on the sidelines.  My role of a wife became skewed.  Cancer had robbed me of my hair, my breasts, and my energy to name a few losses.  I was hurting inside and out from head to toe.  Who was I?  Doctors and others told me my job was to take care of myself.  For six months, I had to set aside what I thought I needed to do for what I had to do, kick this cancer.
Cancer is now gone.  I am still who I was.  I am still who God made me, inside and out, even though I look different.
Now the bills and EOBs are coming in for the six days I spent in the hospital.  We will have to fight for some to be reconsidered.  Financial security is huge for cancer patients.  What will insurance cover?  Will I have enough for any copays?  How long will this treatment go on?  Will my treatment carry over into another year, so that my copays and deductible start all over again?  Cancer is expensive.  Financial insecurity is real.  In our home, God has chosen to continually bring in work to the firm and has prompted clients to pay on time.  That does not always happen in our home or in many others. Cancer unsettles the most financially prepared individual.  Thankfully, God owns it all and all is at his disposal.
I have been blessed with a loving, faithful husband who has walked each step of that hallway to every treatment and has slept in the chair right beside me in the hospital as well as at home when I could not even climb the stairs to bed.  He has heard every word from the doctors in every appointment.  For others, cancer has separated spouses and even severed marriages.  Some woman head into cancer treatments insecure of how it will affect their relationships. For those woman who are independent, strong, and single, the question my be how in the world can  I attack this awful disease alone?  They enter financially stable and wonder how in the world bills will be paid.  Who will stand with them in the really hard times?  Will people stay away because they just don’t know what to say?
Each day I am reminded of new mercies, new healing.  I am reminded again, how much I lost, but also of how much I have gained.  For a time, God allowed me to feel insecure in my own doing, so that I can more fully realize my security in Him.  He allowed what I thought made me significant to be altered for a time in order for me to see my true significance in him.
Oh, believe me, I would not have chosen cancer for me and my family.  I have been mad.  I have been scared.  I am still dealing with the new me on the outside, and I will for awhile.  Insecurity often raises its ugly head.  I am working back slowly into my significant roles of mom and wife.
As you meet others who have been blindsided with cancer (I am focusing on what I know understanding that this affects women differently), consider their insecurities and feelings of insignificance.  Understand that it is a process that will continue.  There are no easy answers.  No matter how many times, she hears it and denies it, continue to affirm her for who she is.  Understand her fears are real and know that a hug and an encouraging card goes a long way.  Feel free to help her with life when you can.  You don’t have to ask.  Her insecurity may make it hard to ask for your help.
At the risk of sounding ridiculously trite, the most powerful thing you can do is pray for these women.  Don’t stop praying. Tell her you are praying.  Pray with her.  Remind her that God is in all of this, and He is the one who loves her unconditionally.  He is the one who has the resources to take care of any need.  Cancer is unbelievably hard.  It changes your world.  It will change you.