Caught in the Swirls of Emotional Tweendom

She cries when her voice is not heard.  Her tears fall swiftly as if they have been let loose from hidden restraints. Her world of self becomes both smaller and larger at the same time.

Maddie is growing up.

I birthed her ten years ago.  She came ready for the world, giving me and the doctor little time to prepare.  The cord, her lifeline, wrapped tightly around her head as she pushed her own way into brightness.  That lifeline became her first risk.  In a flurry of panic buttons, nurses, and machines, the cord was cut off her neck allowing the pinkness to return to her blueing face.  That is how I met Maddie.

Though she is my baby, she now shares a position of middleness in a gaggle of eight kids.  

I watch this middle kid baby express herself in sweetness and wish that it never stops.  She dances with hula hoops, smiling at every move.  We all clap.  She still smiles.  She still spins on the merry-go-round and pretends of princesses and dragons.  Dress up and dolls are not the exception to her play.

But Maddie is growing up.

She reads books, though age appropriate, with a different eye and greater imagery.  She enjoys sitting at the bookstore with a cup of Earl Grey tea.  No sugar.  She primps more.  Somehow her clothes now make her look less the little girl and more the young lady.  

She likes doing big girl things, but the little girl in her does not want to let go.  

Please hold on, sweetie. It is okay to be a little girl for a while longer.  I will show you how to be a big girl.  Learn each step as you go.  Little girl sweetness does not have to be discarded for the sake of growing up.