A Wall

I hit a wall tonight. Walls hurt. I felt bruised, maybe even broken. Tears burned my face. My sweetie held me close, quietly. Anyone who thinks that I have it all together is sadly and horribly mistaken. Excuses are abundant, but their validity remains in question. Can I really do all this? Mothering, fostering, teaching, friending, housekeeping, being? There is not one thing I would take out of my life, yet how do I enjoy living each?

If only –

My kids did not argue everything I said, but then again they would not be independent thinkers

The babies did not cry and whine so much, but then again I would not have those chances to hug them and learn to love unconditionally

Dinner would make itself, but then again I would not have the privilege of creating a new dish with my little man

My head did not throb, but then again a nap would not be so appreciated

I could teach everything I wanted to, but then again I would not appreciate the privilege to educate my kids at home quite as much

I could lunch with my friends at a moment’s notice, but then again I would not be as thankful for the few times I can steal away for coffee with a friend

I could fit in a night away with my hubby – alone, but then again I would not appreciate his abundant kisses and gentle touches today in the midst of chaos

Walls mean to protect and defend. I want a wall around my family and my marriage. Yet, this wall sometimes closes in. Sometimes my eyes become unfocused leaving me blind to the wall and bruised from the inevitable bumps and falls. Today, I need to readjust my focus, pick myself up, and be thankful for the wall. Tomorrow is a new day.