Monday, April 24, 2017

I am weak and afraid

I am not brave.
I am not strong.
On the contrary, I am afraid and weak.
God’s Word, on many occasions tells us to be strong and courageous. I get that.  I just know I am NOT that.  That is until I read the rest of the verse:  for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.
Okay, really God?  I know you are there, but when I get tired over the smallest thing, when I want to cry over most anything , when I dread heading back to chemo knowing that it will only be worse than last time, it is so hard to believe that.
Cancer attacks my body from head to toe and from inside out.  Cancer is merciless.  Cancer is ugly.  Cancer has laid a path for me to travel for the next year.  If I settled on only these truths, my fear and weakness would certainly overtake me.  I am so glad that God chooses to walk this painful path with me.  He has promised never to leave me or forget about me.  He knows I am not strong.  He is.
God has chosen many others to walk with me too.  Some have experienced the same pain.  Others have not.  Honestly, I am so grateful that God gave me some flesh and blood kind of help.  I am loved and blessed in  so many ways.
I may fall asleep each night asking God to give me sleep rather than lay in fear.  I may need to talk myself into getting at least one thing done today rather than just sit on the couch.
Yes, I am weak and afraid.  I am not some valiant warrior heading gallantly into the battle for my life.  However, I am a princess of the King of Kings and Lords of Lords.  He will fight for me.

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