Thursday, April 6, 2017

A Diagnosis

The lump had been there for awhile.  Cysts are not uncommon, and they always seemed to go away.  This one did not.  This week, a biopsy proved what I did not want to know.  Cancer.
The next few days blurred together in an ugly swirl of fear, information, and tears.
This week after a litany of tests I will have a port put in to receive chemo on Thursday, April 13.  After that is completed at the end of the summer, I will be having surgery, though the extent of the surgery has not been decided.
My head is spinning with dates, numbers, unknown vocabulary, and questions. How am I to mommy six kids at home?  How can I get their schooling done?  How do I help my kids’ hearts to understand a loving, faithful God in this middle of such concern and uncertainty?
I am so thankful for Bryan who loves me and supports me through all the good and bad.  I feel for him as he now carries a burden far greater than he ever imagined. It makes me sad.
I am blessed beyond measure with family and friends who have already stepped up to help with the logistics of a family with a sick momma.
Only God knows what will happen tomorrow let alone in eight months.  I wish I could plan everything out. Even now, I want to have it all laid out.  Just tell me what to do.  We as a family have been wounded in past years for other various reasons, and God has chosen to leave a scar that is tender.  Now there are to be more scars.  To be honest, I am tired of it.  Yet, I know that in the end God will be glorified.  Selfishly, I want to be a stay at home mom for the next 10+ years who teaches her kids.  I want to grow old with Bryan as we visit all our kids around the country in an RV.  Yes, that is our dream.  I want to live those dreams.
I am counting of the prayers of others.  I am counting on grace.
Lord, help me.


Dave Mooney said...

We will commit to pray for you, Sandy. God be with you, Bryan, and your family. Much love to you all.

Sandy said...

Thank you, Dave