Anxiety is not my friend.
She cheats me out of smiles, causes my head to hurt and my heart to
pound, and robs me of precious sleep. No wonder my sweet Savior said to be
anxious for nothing.
As time wears on in the foster/adopt process, my anxiety
meter has jumped a few notches. All the
T’s need to be crossed and every “i” dotted.
Many eyes seem to watch even more intently as the trial comes
closer. Doubts and questions battle
incessantly and unmercifully in my mind.
The other day during one of those “only in your mind” conversations
in the shower, Philippians 4:6-7 reverberated clearly.
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by
prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to
God. And the peace of God, which
surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ
Jesus.”
Wow!
Now if only I could do that.
At least that is my excuse. Then
I saw again that the verse left no room for my own interpretation or my own
list of excuses. Nothing meant
nothing. Everything meant
everything. All meant all.
I sat on the edge of the bed determined to lay it out again
to God. My heart was anxious, and I did
not like it. I wanted that peace beyond
understanding. I needed a guard for my
heart and mind because I was not doing such a good job of it.
He listened. He
continued to whisper his words in the midst of the noise.
There is nothing that is beyond my God’s knowledge or
control. Praying to him at the end of
myself is right where he wants me to be.
His peace is not perplexing but protecting.
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