Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Sometimes My Heart Still Hurts

It may be a picture. Often it is a song. Maybe it is a story shared by someone else whose heart hurts. My bruised and broken heart gets jolted and I wince in pain. It has been a year and a half since Julia went to heaven and many years since my three other little ones first saw Jesus. Somehow, though, it feels like just yesterday. I so wish I had the chance to hold my little ones, to see them, to kiss them. I know I have shared this all before. Please forgive my redundancy, but I am just being real.

Easter is difficult. It shouldn't be. Christ's resurrection was the single most amazing and significant event of all time. He conquered sin, Satan, and death all in one fell swoop. But, there is the rub. Death. Ugh! Having four little ones precede me stinks. It just does. I know what you may be thinking. Sandy, get real. You have four other children and two precious little babies in your home to take care of. I know, I know. That's what makes this hard. Maybe Satan is just playing with me. I trust I will see my babies again, and that is the hope Easter provides.

I miss Julia. I saw her precious little form in the ultrasound pictures. Just a few short weeks before she died, I saw her little body squirming like nobody's business. I have a both a baby girl and a toddler boy to take care of. They are special to me beyond words, but they are not mine – not yet. God may choose to allow them to join our family, but we don't know.

Time goes on. I know that God's purpose will prevail. Today I need to be reminded of God's amazing love for me because his plan hurts sometimes.

1 comment:

Tammie said...

praying for you. :'(