Tuesday, February 9, 2010


Let's be honest. Sometimes accepting God's reality for my life is just plain hard.

Truth be told (again), my reality is not bad. I have a totally awesome husband who loves me unconditionally, works hard for our family, parents alongside me, and is obvious in his love for God. My kids are not perfect, get on each other's case, and make me tired, but I think they are amazing and pretty cool. I have the privilege of combining two of my passions, teaching and my family, into one as I teach my kids in our home. This reality to some may be a dream and the polar opposite of their reality. I don't take this reality for granted.

Today, I wish I could change a part of my reality. I wish there was a bassinet in my bedroom holding my little girl breathing sweetly and sleeping peacefully. I wish I could hold my daughter in my arms just once. I wish the mailman didn't bring formula samples again. (I know I canceled that already!) I wish Julia was here.

The reality is she is not here, but she is in heaven. True, I was ready for the reality of dirty diapers, a crying baby, and sleepless nights. God had a different reality for me. I am still struggling with that.

Heaven is reality too, friends. I am confident that someday I will be there to worship God forever as he has forgiven my sins. Nothing I can do can merit my salvation. He is the reality that is constant no matter what uncertainty and sadness I am feeling. Seeing Julia and my other little ones will make heaven that much sweeter (as a dear friend reminded me).

I can only see a small glimpse of reality. I don't always like it, but I am confident that God's reality is perfect in the end.

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